Sense the doubt


After my holiday (which i will post after i can get my laptop to work like it used to be), i had done a lot of thinking. Along this Handmade Heirloom process, i’m excited yet i have full of doubt. I doubt that people will not like what i do, I doubt what other people will think, you can guess every fear that you have when you’re starting a business, i have them all. Guess what? people can sense that. Well, that’s what i think and what i feel though. I doubt, so that people have doubt on me.

I got likes on my facebook page and my instagram but no one actually buy it. I’m no expert on marketing either and still learning through so many articles that i have to read, so, it is a trial and error process but not making any sell since 2 months ago launching this product is really a headache and a heartache blend into one. it’s always come to a why. why not this and that.

Today i received an email from a Digital Media Director for a new Fashion Shopping App, asking me to join their app. She said she love my instagram photos (thank you very muccchhh) and want a feedback from the fashion savvy. I am burst to laugh when i read that sentence. really, i’m no fashion savvy. But i’m flattered. although they asked me to join the app to purchase things from them boooo…

I know that when i keep trying, it will eventually pays off. i just don’t know when.. or probably when i’m nearly broke where i keep creating but no one buys :P.

But yeah, don’t let people know about your doubt, they can smell it. it’s hard but just try okay?

What I learned and still need to learn.


Upon building Handmade Heirloom as a brand, I realize that I have learned new skills and still need to work on that. Building a brand is hard, especially when you don’t have that business-y kinda background. I may see people effortlessly building their brand, but maybe they first struggled like me. I’m stress mentally and sometimes end up read and read rather than brainstorming what do i need to do to building my brand. But here’s what i learned and still need to learn.

Although i’m a graphic designer, i can’t draw. Yes, you can laugh now. I can draw you a car, a fish, a house, a sun, a mountain like kid’s doodle but i can’t draw you a nice human face (not the doodle kind one). And i really want to share my sketches on my blog, so i had pinned so many fashion illustrations or sketches about human faces, shadings, etc on pinterest and i learning and practicing how to draw. For now, i’m still copying models on fashion, but i guess it’s just a way to let my imagination grow for this. Deep down, i know that i don’t need to be perfect on drawing.. but it’s just nice to see a proportional human faces.

The second was i can practice on my photography. Photography is my hobby and i still carry my camera around when i’m traveling. When you sell something, you need a good presentation. You need to put props with it, position it, how do you want people to see it, how you style it (especially for what i sell). It should be a good enough presentation. Sometimes it still blew my mind how people style everything on instagram. Although they don’t sell anything, they still put a really BIG effort so that everything look nice. I still can’t believe it if they do it almost everyday. Like, do you live next to a department store and borrow everything for there? Or do you really have a long spare time for you to do that? I realize that having a full time job, a freelance job and Handmade Heirloom is a hard work plus my bad time management (of sleep :p).

The third one is that i’m learning about marketing. And yes, i have ZERO knowledge about it. For my freelance job, i’m working for my bff’s brother/client. Come to think of it, i work for that family. Every design related need to be done, they will come to me. It is nice and such a blessing to have them as a client and a friend. I have a few other clients but their project has come and go. sometimes just one project and then done. But for Handmade Heirloom, i’m trying to sell on online shop, so every social media that i have, my mind is just come to those 4 words, SELL. I sell it on instragram, facebook, pinterest and my blog on tumblr. I put the picture, i put the materials and i put the price. I thought everybody is doing this. These past few days, i’ve been reading articles that i come across or that i searched on google purposely about marketing and i come to understand that what i did was wrong. I base my online shop on facebook. I shouldn’t try to sell anything on instagram, tumblr and on pinterest. it’s like i’m desperate to sell something rather than just sharing. So, i’m gonna change my marketing strategy and see it from there.

I need to read and brainstorm a lot. And this is what i do when i’m laying on my bed at night. I’m trying to watch TV just to ease my brain, ended up i’m watching AND reading.

This is suppose to be a fun, hobby thing. But when you try to build a brand and try for people to buy it from you, you need extra effort to convince people to earn their trust. And that’s what i work on. It’s a lot of hard work. I hope it’ll pay off one day.

So.. where do i start now..

Death


taken from http://content.mycutegraphics.com/graphics/halloween/halloween-tombstone-spider.png
taken from http://content.mycutegraphics.com/graphics/halloween/halloween-tombstone-spider.png

No, this is not because of Halloween (I just use a cute picture, rather a scary tomb stone). But anyway, the topic for this blog is death.

From the early 2014 until today, i experienced sudden deaths. On July, one of the uncle from my church passed away. He was ill but then recover quiet well. When he was on his bad condition, and we thought that maybe it’s ‘the time’, he survived. His death, might not be shocking but it was too soon. Later, after one week, I received a whatsapp message that, one uncle, my dad’s choir friend, was in the emergency. He can’t breathe, got chest pain and we were told to pray for him. 1 hour later, he was gone. It was a shocked. I just went to Singapore with him on October 2013 and he was fine. When i hugged his wife, she told me that, that was the last time we were having a holiday with him. Her body was weak. I feel that i more towards holding her so she’s not falling and i was really scared that she will passed out. Another one was also my dad’s friend whom i met when i came to my uncle’s house. He was from the singing group. He suffered from diabetes and he also had a heart condition. He also got a stroke. Within 15 minutes, he was gone. The scary part was, they were all in their 50s. Although they are not young anymore, but it’s not that old.

This month, i went to 2 funeral homes (supposedly 3, but one funeral over lap with the other). First was my aunt sudden stroke which led her to coma and passed away the following morning. We never heard that she’s sick or has any illness. But that morning,  reading that she got a stroke. We were thinking that, maybe it’s a mild stroke. After asking my cousin who work for her, she was in the night before in a coma and went in straight to ICU. If there’s no progress the following day, the doctor will pronounce her dead because the veins were already not in its place and basically she’s brain dead. We were all still waiting for a miracle. She passed away the following day, 10 minutes before i got there. The thing was, i got close to my aunt months before she passed away. We shared things, mainly about work and joke around because she’s a funny person. Her posting on facebook tell us funny stories but yet a reflection of life. Her husband said that lately she liked to take pictures, write, posting some quotes, etc.

The second was my friends’ baby boy who passed away the next 2 days after my aunt. Their baby was too long on the wife’s tummy after a 9th opening (took 24 hours). They were preparing to have a normal delivery but doctor said she needs to undergo caesarian. So, the doctor’s prediction was that the baby died because of bacteria and his heart condition is not well.

The third one is today. My god-brother bbmed me this afternoon, asking to pray for his uncle’s soul. I was so confused yet shocked. Well, it means that he died right? My god-mother told me long time ago that her younger brother went missing and then after a few days, he went back to his house. He got dementia and depression. His wife and kids wont allow him out  and go alone. Last friday, he went out and nobody knew. After 24 hours, the family went to the police to report a missing person. My god mother and god brother also looking for him and put a missing person flyer in the area where he live. Then his son got a called and was told that the caller saw his father. His son in law checked to the local hospital and showed 3 bodies. They were not him. This morning they found out that he died because of an accident and was placed in another room at that local hospital. He was died on that friday.

It really got me thinking on how we will leave this earth. Will we suffer from pain and die? will we die peacefully without any pain. Will we die alone or will we die surrounded by people who love us? Have we achieve everything that we want to achieve in this life or at least try to do what we always scared to do? What will you do if you know you’re going to die tomorrow?

I believe I can fly


Yep that is the tag line for this adventurous trip. It was early last month (sorry to keep this one for a while), that I have decided to join this trip. Well, i wanted to do it from last year, but i don’t have the courage to do so. It’s Paragliding trip. This was just a one day trip to go to one of the hill out of town. It’s all because one of my friend, who now live in Central Java, wants to try it. So i thought, okay, if she wants to do it, i better do it as well. I asked my church friend who is one of an adventurous family i’ve known (yes, the hubby, wife and their son came along for this trip), then i asked my cousin who brought 3 of his friends with him. I have never done this before and i was not sure if i want to do it.

With guts I just go along.

That Saturday, we woke up early. I think i didn’t really sleep because i was so nervous. We have to gather with the group at 5.30-6 AM and then start the journey. After we arrived, our leader brief us about the condition, especially the wind condition. At that time, we couldn’t fly soon enough because we need the right direction of where the wind blows. You don’t want to fly backwards right? He also explained where we’re gonna take off from.

Taking off from here
Taking off from here

Beneath us is a tea plantation. The weather is a bit cool when we arrived, but the later it was, the sunny it became. We have to wait around 6 hours until the wind is on the right direction and taking off one by one with our pilot.

I'm the first one!
I’m the first one!

I was lucky that i am one of the first to fly. Lucky yet scared. I was thinking why the leader mention my name first. all my friends and cousin and cousin’s friends need to wait longer than i was, and i’m kinda feel bad about it. To be honest, i don’t really know how i feel. It’s like, excited, scared and want to get over it, and i don’t know what to expect. But, at that point, there’s no turning back. I need to jump and get over with it.

I'm flying
I’m flying

Surprisingly, it’s saver than i thought or rather my pilot is a good one. I have to wait until my feet didn’t touch the ground, so i can sit on the back pack look a like ‘couch’ and there i was.. flying and taking aerial pictures. I probably nervous because i keep talking and asking the pilot questions.

My parachute
My parachute
the length from the take off ground to the landing field is 220 m
the length from the take off ground to the landing field is 220 m
Take off field
Take off field
Landing field
Landing field

I flew about 5 minutes on the air. Thank God that it ended fast enough because i started to feel dizzy just before we landed. Oh, the landing position was so nice also. I thought i need to help the pilot stop, but he did all the job. I just sit down and knew that i landed safe and sound.

I am not a risk taker kinda person. I remember that i always afraid to do things. Knowing that life is so short, I guess I want to try everything that i could and according to my guts (no bungy jumping for me though).

Wandering mind


taken from http://nodavictoria.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/wanderingmind.gif
taken from http://nodavictoria.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/wanderingmind.gif

For 15 days i’ve been down (yes, I need 15 days apparently to recover), as you know because of my Handmade Heirloom accessories line doesn’t really attract the target audience, I just can’t sleep last nite. My mind was filled with questions. What can i do? What did i do wrong? I style it, I really put effort in it. Why? It’s easy to just quit after no one buy the first 3 collections. But I think I can’t do that. If I believe that I would have some mark somewhere in the ‘accessories world’, i can’t quit now. I need to dig in deeper and just create, create and create. So, i learn how to draw (i think i mention this like a couple of times already. hopefully you wont mind. here is the ‘I don’t know what to do’ moment). I can draw, but not really as nice as those who really love to draw illustration. But I think i’ll try my best and do it as I want to. My plan is, I’ll do sketches some more and on Saturday shop all the material that I will need. And then, try to launch some more of the collection. There’s no turning back at this point. Some days, i regret why i open this store but yes, the gut says it all. I’ll learn from an expert this month (just waiting for her to come back from South Africa) and we’ll see from there.

Having your own business, it’s your own responsible. Everyone will support you, but when you’re down, you’re the only one who can pick yourself up. No matter how many people cheer you up and believe in you, but when you’re hopeless and can’t pick yourself up, i think it means the end.

With a lot of competition, it’s hard when a lot of people do nice things through instagram. Sometimes, i don’t want to see them, but i followed them (doh), so it’s hard not to notice what they do. It’s a good inspiration but at the same time it’s a pressure of its own. How come they have the time to style everything and where did they get all that fancy stuff to style the thing they want to do? It’s really.. out of my mind. It’s crazy. I have 2 other jobs, obviously, i’ll try my best, but it’s just.. hard… Another thing, I’m not a fashionable/stylish person. I don’t really fancy those branded stuff. But the more older I get, I really want to dress nicer (or probably it’s a heartbroken effect, when you just want to look good and hoping that the guy who letting you go will be sorry. or not). Or probably it’s the effect of watching to much Project Runaway. Either way, yes, I want to look good and chic but not all over the top. I’m kinda changing my wardrobe right now, little by little. I don’t want to go broke just because of fashion. Anw, I think i’m starting to define my style now (defining your style early 30s is not too late right? :p). But when you look on instagram, feels like everyone has their own personal photographer. how can they do that? It’s really driving me insane. I have to do everything by myself and I don’t know what to do. Or maybe I don’t have an eventful life everyday.. like the rest of them..

I thank God that my friends always supported me, although i think their ears are red from the venting/ranting that i need to let out and their feedback is the one that i always hold. That i need to be patient and keep going. Although sometimes i feel that, there’s nothing that i can anymore. I just hope i can sell something in the end, i’m not confident to put myself in the market yet, i’ll try through online first, then see it from there. I think when i get my first sell, i will jump up and down and will be very very very happy. God help me..

Wondering and Waiting


Last week I was so upset with the Water department but maybe it’s good also because i can rest. I haven’t been cleaning the house for 2 weeks. So you can imagine how dirty it is. On Friday night, right after i had a shower, the water stopped flowing. Good thing is, i had asked my maid before she went home to put the water on the drinking gallon that we didn’t use anymore, just in case stuff like this happen again. So on saturday morning, I had shower with that water. The water didn’t come out through again from the pipe until Sunday morning. On Sunday morning, before church, i ran to my aunt’s house just for a shower. Yesterday night, i was still filling up the gallon just in case the water stop again. There are 6 gallon and 1 big bucket already fill with clean water. I still have like 6 more gallon at home, i tempted to fill them all. These days, every time i walk pas the water tub, i always stop and listen if the water run through. It really makes my heart skip a bit when i didn’t hear any water run. it’s either the water tub is full or the water just didn’t come out.

The other thing is, there’s a pipe leak somewhere inside the wall. so I have to mop this water which come from nowhere every morning. this morning is not that much, but it keep leaking. At this moment, sometimes i really ask God why He didn’t give me a maid. Why there’s no one that said, ‘ hey, my maid’s friend is looking for a job, etc, etc’.

Another thing is, i have a project for my freelance that is kinda hard. i really dislike tasks with measurement. It’s just frighten me that i will get the measurement wrong but i really prayed today that I really can finish it these days. it means that, i’m holding up my Handmade Heirloom.

I divided my days for my freelance and Handmade Heirloom. So today should be my Handmade Heirloom day, where i should work on everything that is Handmade Heirloom. But this morning i’m doing my freelance work. It almost done, thank God but need to tweak here and there.

Sells are hard. I really don’t know what people want. sometimes i just really want to give up, but i have the urge that i think i’m testing myself or either God is testing me to be persevere. My mom used to say that i’m not that kind of person and my sister is more persevere. But somehow, i really want Handmade Heirloom just to keep going. I don’t mind small, i’m not asking a big sells, but at least, give me excitement of that a bit. So i can know and learn how it feels. Thank God also that one of my church member’s daughter in law who is in the business is willing to teach me about it. Skill and will give me the tip and tricks of how to sell it. But i have to wait until next month, after she came back from South Africa, teaching women there how to make a wire jewelry. I know it takes time and sometimes people misunderstood me (which i hate) that i want an instant success. Somehow i have a feeling that i can survive between the competition. And this days, i really want to learn how to draw. Yes, i’m graphic designer, but i can’t draw. The other day, i spent like a whole day to draw. I like the sketches of my necklace, but i didn’t like the person that i drew. So i throw it to the bin :((. The second attempt that i had, the girl look like a boy :(((… Help me God.

*sigh*

Day 4 of Handmade Heirloom


Day 4:

I am trying my best to re post the bracelets design. Consistency is really the key and I’m really scared that I can’t do it. Learning by doing is what i’m learning now. And boy, social media is really taking up some time. No wonder now there are a specialist to do that these days. I have to keep up with my blog in tumblr, my instagram and facebook page. After 4 days, i really need to have more variety of shots. Apparently, 3-4 different shots of the same product doesn’t really cut it. I really need to scratch my head here.

Tumblr is one other day to market this accessories line. last night, i was looking at my tumblr and surprise surprise, there’s this search engine especially for fashion who following me on Tumblr. That is quiet surprising and exciting. I’ve been following them for reference and now they are following me. It really motivates me. Surely i need to learn to be patient long enough (it is not my virtue).

For the last 2 days, i’ve been searching themes for my tumblr. Do you know it is really time consuming? Sometimes when you’re setting up a theme for your personal blog, you just one something that looks nice. For my Handmade Heirloom, i want this and that, but i don’t really want to pay for a theme hehe.. So, yes, it is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Looking through google and the tumblr themes, i don’t know how many times i have had my themes changed. Yet there are certain things that this theme don’t have, but that theme has. but that theme don’t have this, and this theme has it. But it’s fun to see all the themes that people made.

Today, one of my friend asked me about the bracelet that i’ve made through instagram. It’s kinda exciting. I don’t know if he serious about it (maybe he’s buying it for his wife?), or just helping me to get his friends’ attention so they will take a look at HH instagram. I hope, it’s not out of pity that he say that. I don’t want my friends to buy the accessories out of pity. I want them really likes the design and all.

Nevertheless, it’s a journey that i choose and i’ll try to do best in it. Now, let’s change that tumblr theme.

 

I hope it rain today


I know i haven’t been writing lately, but I got an announcement to make.

On Sept 15th, 2014, I open my online shop, Handmade Heirloom!! Yay!! Personally, this is a bold step that i made and i’m glad i did (thank you for those you believe in me when i don’t believe myself). It is like ‘walking in the dark’. I just don’t know what i can make out of it. I listen and read every marketing, entrepreneurship or how to do start up articles and nothing, i mean nothing beat the experience when you really start your own business. If you ask me if i know anything about business, nope, nothing, zero. I don’t know a thing. I know how to work and run my freelance business, but it just come as natural because that is my background. For my new business, an accessories line call Handmade Heirloom, I just know how to make things, not the operational business of it. I thank God for my dad who is supportive enough (imagine your dad went in to an accessories store and start seeing the design and the prices! Yes, that’s my dad!) and teach me a long the way, although sometimes i really don’t understand what he’s talking about. Thank God that my friend, who always willing to be a helping hand and always offering help and always believe in me although i always have my self doubt, Thank God for my sister and brother in law, although they are far but i know they support me in what i do, Thank God for someone who always say that everything is gonna be alright or i’m gonna be okay (yes, he didn’t disappeared apparently nor i let him go). Thank God for the support of my friends, Thank God for my cousin who also teach me about business and supporting me. And this, ladies and gentleman is not an Oscar speech. From the bottom of my heart i just want to say thank you.

Because yes, I’m doubting myself at this moment. Day 3 and I’m just trying to be positive about this journey.  I don’t know why I just want to cry today. I hope it’s raining later tonight (it’s a hot sunny day now). I said to my friend when i prepared for Handmade Heirloom that I’ll be okay if it’s not work out. At least i try. But then, after i launch it, i really want this to work out well. Then the more i see that so many people doing the things like what i’m doing and they are all good. Make me question myself, am i good enough? Will people buy this? Will they like this?

Yesterday I was blasting my friends with broadcast message, saying that Handmade Heirloom is open. One of my friend, (i think she’s joking) asked if she do something that I asked, can she get a discount, a cousin asking for a free sample of my bracelet. I was like, come on man, i just launch this, can you just help me spreading the words? It make me sad somehow.

Day 3 and no one even ask about the product and people who like the images in instagram are either people who live outside Indonesia or an accessories maker too. What did i put myself into? It looks easy for those who already started and sell a bunch of accessories and earn their success. Persistence is the key here..

 

Lost


Have you ever lost a friend? I did. Once. It felt like I didn’t know who the person was exactly. I thought that if i knew what has happened, i can prevent that. But I can never ever forget what the situation cost and how it effect me. To forgive and forget, it’s hard thing to do. I forgive, but i would never forget.

Have you ever lost a friend? I think this time, i’m letting someone slipping away. Someone who is ‘my number 1 fan’ (beside my late mom), always supportive. Someone who always cheer me up and said that everything is gonna be fine, that i’m gonna be fine. Someone who treat me right, who is gentle and sweet. Someone who sometimes who gives me mix emotion and ‘i don’t know what to do’ moment. Someone who is making me wanting to have a super power so i can read minds. Someone who is very patience and hardworking. Who i always have doubts in, but at the same time trusts. Someone who i think i know that whenever i show my bad side, will always like me for me (or maybe trying to run away).

But, i’m letting that someone to fly away. I know, this feeling will be very real when i’m in the same country. It hurts, but maybe.. it’s time to close the book. The hardest part is to forget the memories and to focus on the right things. God be with me.

Rush


taken from http://besttireratings.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Rush.jpg
taken from http://besttireratings.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Rush.jpg

Since I was young, my dad loves watching the Formula 1 racing and the motorcycle grand prix. I watched them with him and although i don’t understand the rules, the score or who were the drivers; it’s the speed, the crash, the overtake that made us both scream and glued to the TV. My mom joined us sometimes but like me, she didn’t quiet understand. I think sometimes, she just watched us watching the race. I guess that’s the history why i kinda like speed and cars. These days, my dad only watch the motorcycle grand prix. The local TV doesn’t really show the Formula 1 racing anymore or probably I just miss it. Or he just missed it. After we have our cable TV, we have the formula 1 again. I don’t really watched it again with him but i still kinda know the drivers by name now. I found it quiet boring but would love to take my dad to the night Formula 1 racing in Singapore some time.

Anyway, when the movie ‘Rush’ was out last year, i was excited. It’s Formula 1! It’s like ‘learning’ the history of this race. Well, not quiet but at least i will know some of the early drivers (from the year i wasn’t even born!) The movie was in biographical sport drama genre. It is about the early drivers and rivals; James Hunt and Niki Lauda.

James Hunt and Niki Lauda both starting as a Formula 3 drivers. They were already rivals on this early stage before entering the Formula 1. Both were born from a wealthy family. James Hunt’s father was a successful stockbroker and Niki Lauda’s grandfather was a successful businessman in Vienna. But both, despite the wealth and the prestige family background chose to follow their passion and dreams; to become a racer, Formula 1 racer.

James Hunt, is a very charming guy. I supposed a racer will have that, plus a typical ‘bad boy’ image. He met a pretty girl and slept with her, a playboy that’s him. Smoke, drinks, drugs, and girls are inseparable from him. He was fast in the circuit and an aggressive driver one said. He got the ambition to be a world champion. With his image, every girls wants to be with him, in fact everyone wants to be his friends. Cool guys always has a lot of friends right? Then he met Suzy, an actress. He thought maybe the idea of marriage and settling down can change him. He got married and had a lavish wedding. When he didn’t have a car to race and sponsorship, he went back to drinks and smoke. Suzy then left him for Richard Burton, a fellow actor. Hunt didn’t really try to keep his marriage although he did went to New York to get her back. But he’s not really eager about it. He was back to his old habits, smoke, drinks and girls. Then McLaren needs a new driver. Everyone has their doubts on him but put him in one of the car. He got the drive but he didn’t know his own car. When the car has problem, he just stood there, watching the mechanics work and solve the problem. The only thing on his mind was, how to beat Niki Lauda.

Niki Lauda, is the opposite character from James Hunt, well except he swears a lot. A very serious, workaholic, think ahead guy. When someone give him advice, he took it and weigh in. He ‘bought’ his way in to be in the Formula 1. He know his cars; what to do when the car was too heavy, which material do they need to use to make it lighter, etc. He knows his way around them. He proved it to the Ferrari that their cars were bad when he test drive it. After that he became Ferrari’s driver. He met his wife, Marlene, when he need a ride to the nearest train station after his friend ‘uninvited’ him to a party. He told Marlene that her car has some engine problem. He knows just by sitting inside the car when Marlene is driving. His wedding was the opposite from Hunt’s. Just a civil registration and a honeymoon. But then he realize that every step that he has to make, it always include his wife from that moment. He knew that racing is a near-death sport and he could die at any time during the race.

Niki Lauda and James Hunt were rivals. They were all the reasons the Formula 1 was famous during those early years. People wants to see them race! They always came as first and second. Despite of their rivalry, they respect each other. Their ambition and dreams were to beat one another.

In 1976 formula 1 in Germany, the weather was bad. It was raining and Niki asked all the drivers and the committee to gather around and asked them to cancel the race. It was too risky. The road was slippery and the lap was known as the most dangerous lap of all formula 1 racing. But Hunt, who was eagerly to win, challenged everyone in the room to continue the race despite of the weather. They both start the race with rain tires, although they will lose speed in the area that dries up. They both also goes back to pit after second lap to change tires. When Hunt left the pit first, Lauda asks his mechanics to work faster. He doesn’t want to lose from him. After leaving the pit, just half through of the third lap, Lauda’s suspension break and make his car slamming the wall, spinning and burned. The drivers behind him, crashing their cars into him, but not injured. They were all then running out to help Lauda who was stuck in his car. After a second attempt of opening his seat belt, Lauda was out from his car. Lauda suffered a third degree burns on his head and face and internal burns on his lungs because he inhale toxic gases. His wife was so scared and was with him all the way. During his treatment in the hospital, he always watch the formula 1 race and watch Hunt wins in every race that he missed. That drive him to go back to race. Even though he knew that his wife will disagree, but she also knew his passion or rather his ambition.

After only 6 weeks, Lauda returns to race. Everyone surprised on how he looks. Hunt welcome him but also stunned when he saw how Lauda’s face has change due the accident. He apologize to Lauda because of the accident. He felt that he was responsible, that most of the racers on the room agree to race that day. At the press conference, one reporter asks Lauda about his wife reaction when she saw his face. Lauda’s got angry and left the press conference. Hunt was there also. He called the reporter that ask the question and beat him up in the bathroom. Ha! not bad for a playboy huh? Defending his rival. Although Lauda finish forth on that race, everyone celebrate as if he just win it. Everyone cheer for him because of his courage to come back to the race despite the accident, while Hunt has problem with his car and can’t complete the race.

The 1976 race come to the top of the race on the Grand Prix at Japan. It was raining. Again. Lauda knew the look on his wife’s face but his wife didn’t say anything. This time, it was Hunt’s turn saying that the race should be cancel. But it was already settle that the race still go on. Hunt and Lauda start the race. But just after 2 lap, Lauda came back to the pit and stay with Marlene. He don’t want to risk his life again. When Hunt came back to the pit to change tires. Hunt’s team warn him to be careful and that they want him back in one piece. This is the time that Hunt can beat Lauda’s score and be the world champion. They know Hunt is eager to claim himself as the world champion and they don’t want the accident that happened to Lauda, happen to him. The cars are 450 horsepower. With the rain pouring and the spray from other car in front of you, it’s hard to see the lap clearly. Hunt just need to be in third place to be call as the world champion. And he did. After that, Hunt take his year to partying, drugs and girls. Hunt accidentally met Lauda on a private airfield. Lauda remind Hunt to focus and prepare for the next race while he has more interest in flying private planes. But then, he remember that Hunt no longer has anything to prove. They both are world champion of Formula 1.

For Hunt, he just need 1 world champion. He just need to prove himself once.

In real life, Hunt died at the age of 45 due to heart attack while Lauda is still actively involve in Formula 1 industry. Just last night, I saw my dad was still up until late and the Formula 1 was on the TV. When i walk across the room, the camera just show Niki Lauda. And i screamed, ‘Niki Lauda!!’

In life, we all have talents and God put passions inside of us, things that we love to do. But is it motivations and passions are enough? Like Niki, do we know our ‘ways’ around the things that we do. Can we solve the problem like Niki did? Or we just like Hunt. We just want to be the number one. We don’t have to solve problems or do the dirty work. We just have the motivation. I have to admit that Hunt has the more balance lifestyle. He work hard yet he had fun. Although it’s not a positive one, but he had fun. Where as Lauda, is all about work.. work.. work.

I’m in awe with Niki Lauda in his professional work. Yes, he’s arrogant, he swears a lot and he bought himself in, but that’s because he knows that he’s good at it. Beside that, he got the motivation, he know what to do when problems arise, he’s a hard worker and has courage to get up and try again when he failed. Yes, they both cheat deaths a lot than we do, but which one do you want to be? Hunt or Lauda?